If it ever comes down to me being raped or shot or something I know not to call him unless I’m breathing for the last moments of my life… I know he doesn’t care anymore and I don’t blame him. I just want him to know that I love him… And I always will…
I just dumped my best friend. Wait, she wasn’t my best friend. She wasn’t even a friend because friends don’t put each other through crap like she put me through! I’m don’t being a stepping stool and I’m done being nice. Yeah. I’m good.
My emotions are all over the place!! Why can’t I just have one friend who completely understands or that won’t get sick of me?! Why did I have to mess us up…?! Now I sit in my room everyday thinking of ways to not miss you which only makes it worse! Makes every little task harder to handle… I can’t think of anything but you and its so hard to accept the fact that you’re leaving me because I was so stupid. Because I couldn’t be the best that I could be… I’m such an idiot… Ugh.. I have to cry to sleep…take pills to eat…and I have to almost get killed to stop thinking about you! Ugh!! My body heart mind and soul can’t take anymore of this… Its just so hard…. I’m cold…empty without you…. I can’t deal. I give in to the pain!!!
Fuck love. Fuck friendship. Fuck everything.
Love is dangerous. Don’t fall in love… Only a pet could never break your heart as bad as a person. Pets may die but they will always be there….
Just thinking about us makes my heart ache. I don’t know what to do… I said I’d go a few days without messaging you but I don’t think I’ll make it… Ugh oh well. We’ll see Saturday if you’re going to be the man I fell in love with.
Why do I feel like I’m one argument away from losing you? Why do I feel like you have someone else is fighting for you? Am I really that bad? Am I seriously a crazy bitch to you? I know I frustrated you but to the extent of you breaking your promises which you said you’d never do? Am I the kind of girl you’re embarrassed of? Because that’s what it feels like…. You don’t let me see your friends when I get you… Do you even tell them the positives about me anymore? Well I do. I tell my friends the good and only my best friend the good and the bad. I tell my family about you. I am not ashamed of you in anyway. I wish I coukd tell the world but what’s the point since you’re my world. I love you more than anything but now that doesn’t seem to matter… You told me that at the end of the day if we loved each other that’s all that matters…. I don’t know what to do…I don’t know how to feel. I don’t like this sad feeling…. I don’t like crying myself to sleep! I wanna feel your love! Make me feel it!! I miss that feeling we had…. I miss being able to tell you how much I love you. I miss planing our future together. I miss your warm body next to mine. I wanna feel a lovers hug but I can’t because there is something stuck between us and I don’t know how to move it. I just want my best friend/soul mate/fiance/other half…. I just want us back… We’re still together but I feel less love from you…. It hurts my… I’m physically sick and you don’t even know I am… I feel bad about myself. I feel like I am just…..gross… I don’t know. I just…miss you…
Forget all these losers. I’m done crying over them.